The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

System: Nintendo DS
Publisher: Nintendo
Price: $34.99

As one of the few direct sequels in Nintendo's well-known Zelda franchise, Phantom Hourglass follows most of the tried-and-true mechanics of the other games. There are plenty of switches to hit with your boomerang, a princess to save, and loot to be gathered while your out adventuring. It maintains the more cartoonish style that debuted in The Wind Waker on the Gamecube. This is both a strength and a weakness for the game, depending on your style. (Personally, it love the bright colors and exaggerated facial expressions that Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass use.)

One aspect of the game that caught me a bit off-guard was the control scheme. Most games for the DS give you the option of using the face buttons or the stylus (or some combination of the two) to move your character, blow up those blocks, or dodge incoming attacks. With Phantom Hourglass, everything is mapped to the touch screen except for a few menu controls. (You do use the built-in microphone to solve a few puzzles and beat up an enemy or two, but it's otherwise left alone.) This was a little hard to get used to at first, but once I got the hang of it, it was an easy and intuitive way to play. Want to slash that chu? Tap it with the stylus. Want to clear the ground surrounding you? Draw a circle around Link to unleash a spin attack. Rolling didn't play much of a role in the game, and it's a good thing, too -- the gesture for initiating a roll was to draw circles at the very edge of the screen. It didn't work well in tight spaces.

The storyline follows Wind Waker's very well. Link is off with Tetra sailing the Great Sea and generally having a good time with the pirate gang while searching for a mysterious vessel known as the Ghost Ship. Well, you find it, and lo and behold! Tetra is kidnapped, and it's up to Link to rescue her. The story takes quite a few twists and turns after that, but it's an enjoyable ride.

All in all, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass is a great game. It is, however, a little on the easy side. The puzzles aren't as devilish as they were in previous Zelda games, and the temples aren't as long. (This last point is actually in the game's favor somewhat; handhelds aren't designed to be hand-friendly after eight straight hours of play.) The worst, however, is the Temple of the Ocean King. You will be tasked with traversing this labyrinth several times. The journey becomes less (or more) tiresome as you get new items, but solving the same puzzles and evading the same enemies time after time sucks the fun out of this part of the game. But for the Nintendo DS owner who just might be a Zelda fan, this is still a worthy entry in one of Nintendo's longest-running series.

Score: 8.5
This is a fun romp of an action game, but there's nothing that makes it really stand out from the crowd.

Team Fortress 2

System: PC
Publisher: Valve
Price: $20 for standalone, $50 as part of the Orange Box

Considering my mediocre reflexes, relatively underpowered PC, and general aversion to graphic blood and gore, it's surprising that I enjoy Team Fortress 2 as much as I do. It's a great team-based, multiplayer shooter, and if you can get past the downfalls of TF2's online community, you'll be in for a great ride with this game.

While the controls are pretty much the same as any other PC shooter (WASD + mouse controls), the best feature of TF2 is the class-based gameplay. You have nine different classes to choose from (Scout, Soldier, and Pyro on offense; Demoman, Heavy, and Engineer on defense; and Medic, Sniper, and Spy on support), each with specialized abilities. For example, the Engineer can build gun turrets and teleporters and the Medic can heal other players and even become invulnerable for a short time. Even though the classes are split up into offensive, defensive, and support roles, you can use them in any capacity you want -- one of the most popular Engineer strategies is to toss up a turret in a forward location and let it get some quick kills for you before you drop back and set up another installation.

The different maps and game types offer up a great variety of content, and the fast-paced action will keep you glued to the game far longer than you even realize. TF2 is the poster child of all "just one more game" entertainment. Time just flies while you're trying to blow your opponents to tiny bits while keeping your own hide whole. And Valve continues to add more maps and game types. They've even started rolling out class-specific achievements and items. Getting an upgrade to your flamethrower or melee attack is a lot of fun, especially when you have to earn it by setting 50 Scouts on fire and pummeling other Heavies with your ham-shank fists.

Because TF2 is a multiplayer game, there is no single player aspect -- unless you want to set up your own server and play with stationary bots. This is one of its greatest strengths, but also its greatest weakness, in my view. Working with a team is generally fun, until you get some whiner who complains that your team is so much worse than everyone else he plays with and "What the [expletives deleted] do you think you're doing?!" Even the good-natured players will often let loose with profanity-laced language in text and voice chat (which are both provided in-game, no Teamspeak required). The worst things I've seen are the custom spraypaint graphics that some players use. I'll not mention the disgusting things in those.

Speaking of graphics, though, the game is drawn using a cartoony style very similar to the animation in Disney/Pixar's "The Incredibles." (The music, when it plays on menu screens and in orientation videos, also seems like it's derived from the movie.) The game is rated M for violence and blood, but it is very cartoonish. It may just be that I'm not running the game at the maxed out settings, but the worst I ever see when I get fragged is a spray of orangish blood (quite a lot of it) and some random, non-disfigured body parts. (The game even lets you take screenshots of your most memorable deaths and uses little signs to note which of your body parts you're looking at. "Your foot!") The game may be a little more disturbing on high-end machines, but dropping the graphics settings should cover up much of the more visceral deaths.

Even though the game can get frustrating (being on the receiving end of eighty-five headshots within a single ten minute game, for example) and the player community ranges from the most cordial and polite to the most vulgar and obscene, TF2 is a great game. If you can get a good group of friends to play with, you'll enjoy it all the more.

Score: 9.0
Great game, if you can handle all the other dorks who play.

Portal

System: PC
Publisher: Steam
Price: $20 for standalone, $50 as part of The Orange Box compilation

What do you get when you combine hilarious, random voice-overs; mind- and physics-bending gameplay; and entertaining puzzles? You get Portal, one of the best games out in the past few months.

Originally part of The Orange Box, a compilation of first-person shooter games released by Steam/Valve, the standalone version of Portal is incredibly enjoyable. The graphics are well-done but simple — my completely non-gaming PC loaded and ran the game just fine. (I couldn't have the graphics up to the highest settings and the load times took a while, but the in-game sequences were nearly flawless.)

You play the game as a participant in what seems to be a research program for Aperture Laboratories, testing the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device or "portal gun." This allows you to fire blue and orange portals that connect different surfaces within the game. Meaning if there is a pit between you and the door, simply fire a portal across the gap, open one up beneath your feet, and you're there. The real fun comes when you mix and match horizontal and vertical surfaces with your portals — the camera re-orients so that "down" is down whenever you exit a portal, so playing the game can be a pretty eye-wrenching and mind-blowing experience. You can even create infinite loops (placing one portal directly over the top of another) and create do-it-yourself bottomless pits.

The controls follow your general PC first-person shooter scheme: You move forward, backward, right, and left using the W, A, S, and D keys, respectively. The E key allows you to interact with objects (such as picking up a radio or opening a door). Looking around and aiming and firing your portal gun is done with the mouse — left mouse button fires a blue portal, right an orange. The controls are tight and responsive, something you would expect from the company that made Half-Life and Team Fortress 2.

The only downside to the game is the length. There are only nineteen levels, and I was able to finish the game within a week. (And by finish I mean go through all 19 levels.) There are some different modes that lengthen out the game a bit, but they're either rehashes of puzzles you've already solved or maps made by the player community. The lack of length makes the $20 you have to shell out for the game seem a bit high, but it is ultimately worth it. Hopefully, Steam will bring the price down in the near future, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Score: 9.3
A great game, but the lack of length makes the price seem higher.

Final Fantasy XI

System: PC
Publisher: Square-Enix
Cost: $20–30, plus $12.95 each month thereafter

When I first posted a review of Final Fantasy XI, I was needlessly harsh — mostly because I was uninformed. I had not taken a deep enough look into the mechanics of the gameplay to get a real idea of the pros and cons of the systems involved. So, I delved back into the realms of Vana'Diel once more (for at least a couple of hours, not considering the time spent watching the helpful orientation videos on the FFXI website). And still, I was unimpressed.

I could chalk it up to the six-year-old graphics. But they don't look bad, just dated. I could say it was the console-style controls on a PC that left me cold. But they weren't that hard to get used to. I could even talk about the lack of user-friendliness in quests and such. But that was a minor irritation. Even the Final Fantasy-standard "new world, new story" idea that left me with a blank slate kind of feeling didn't rankle all that much.

To be honest, I think that it was just the order in which I've played MMOs that turned me off. See, I started out a while back on World of Warcraft — Warcraft, with its relatively smooth and new-looking graphics; Warcraft with its controls built for a PC instead of a PS2; Warcraft with its user-friendly interface and rich, detailed, and well developed world. The comparison is what caused the problems. And because of this comparison, I was unimpressed with my FFXI experience.

If I had played Everquest or Star Wars Galaxies or any number of other "old-gen" MMORPGs before I played FFXI, I would have heralded the "new" game and lauded it's many wonderfulnesses. But a retro-gamer, I am not, so Vana'Diel is not somewhere I plan on adventuring, not when I can visit the better-rendered climes of Azeroth.

Overall, though, FFXI isn't a bad game, if you can leave your expectations at the door. The class system, actually, is something I wish were included in WoW. Having the standard White Mage, Black Mage, Warrior, Thief, etc. was something that I really enjoyed. (There's no dual-classing or terribly jack-of-all-trades classes in WoW. There are hybrids, but not the kind of specialization or customization available in FFXI.) And being able to change your class on the fly is nice. Rather than re-rolling a character and choosing a new class, you can just visit your Mog House and pick a different primary and secondary job. Now, you do start all of the jobs at level 1, so taking a level 34 Warrior back to a level 1 Black Mage may stymie your efforts, but if you really want to do it, the option is open to you.

Leveling appears much more grind-centric than quest-based — something that I find difficult. I'm not a grind-gamer, and not being able to easily locate quest-givers (or -receivers) made it difficult for me to continue playing. But the in-battle menus are standard fare for a Final Fantasy addict like me. Attack, Magic, Skill, Item. I can understand that. The command menu is easy to navigate and when you don't want it there, it gets out of the way. The screen can get cluttered, though, because of the low resolution of the graphics and the size of the menu and information bars.

Overall, Final Fantasy XI is a passable MMORPG based on the proven Final Fantasy method, but because it sticks so closely to that market-tested formula, it seems a little stale after all these years. The monthly fee is a little bit lower, as are the system requirements, so if you're looking for something that your budget and decent PC can handle, this may be your option. Just don't let your modern expectations get in the way.

Score: 7.5 out of 10
Not a bad game, but not one that measures up to today's standards.

News from Red Tie Guy

Well, I've had to revamp my review paradigm a little bit. Partly because the 3-rating system was inherently flawed, but mostly because my 10-month-old son destroyed the previous hard drive in my laptop — where all of my graphics and files were stored. (Red Tie Guy Tip: Do NOT allow an infant to pound his hands on the portion of your computer containing the hard disk, especially while you are using the computer.)

So, you won't see any fancy graphics for a while. I need to find the time/patience to remake them, and I'm instituting an "x out of 10" rating system. (Boring and cliché, I know, but it works.)

And now, without further ado, my (revamped) first (revamped) review …